


its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

by 0xff



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0xff/pseuds/0xff
Summary: With his free hand, Sonny fumbles around the jacket pocket by his chest for his phone. He would smile, if it wasn't so bitter, that Rafael's number is at the top of his list. A little star next to his name, a silent reminder.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> light tw for guns

Sonny should never have come here alone, he knows that now. He  _ hadn't _ considered it until a bulky man had snuck up behind him, grabbed him, and dug the muzzle of a silenced pistol into his stomach. Now he knows, as he crumples into himself with a gasp, digging his palm into the wound. 

With his free hand, Sonny fumbles around the jacket pocket by his chest for his phone. He would smile, if it wasn't so bitter, that Rafael's number is at the top of his list. A little star next to his name, a silent reminder.

Sonny squeezes his eyes shut at the agony, until he's no longer sure if it's the worst pain he's ever experienced in his life, or some kind of adrenaline rush is blocking out all the pain completely. It's surprisingly difficult to tell the difference, he just wishes Rafael Barba would answer his damn cellphone.

_ *** _

Rafael happens to be at the precinct when he receives the call. He answers with a curt ' _ what?' _ before his features soften and he realizes he should have checked the caller ID before barking.

"Raf-- Raf." Sonny murmurs with relief in his voice, followed by a groan.

"Carisi? Is everything alright?" 

"Oh-- yeah. I'm fine, I just wanted to call." On Sonny's side of the call, a tear trails down his cheek.

"Oh. Have you not heard?  _ Jeffrey Smith _ 's office building has been locked down on account of a shooting." Rafael's tone is typically matter-of-fact, but he can't ignore the occasional wheeze from Sonny's end. "Are you sure you're--"

"Rafi I just wanna hear you." Sonny whispers.

"Oh my God." Rafael's voice pitches up in panic. "Sonny, please don't tell me you are there."

There is silence for precisely one second before Rafael barks at Sonny to say something.

"You told me not to tell you."

"Don't be a wise-ass!" Rafael wails, turning to face Benson and Amaro, who are now watching with confused fear. He nods at them, gesturing to the enlarged map of the building, and they nod in return before leaving. "Liv, and Nick, are… on their way." Rafael murmurs.

"Where  _ wouldwebe _ without Action Man?" Sonny slurs, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. He silently tells himself he's just resting them until Liv and Nick force their way in, but a part of him knows that isn't true.

" _ Soleado _ , keep talking to me." Rafael demands, his voice a pitch higher as panic rises in his chest. "Hm?" He adds, at Sonny's weak laugh.

"Solly-- _ ado _ ." Sonny repeats. "I like it when you  _ callmethat _ ."

"Yeah? You know that pronunciation is only being forgiven because you're d--" Rafael sucks in a breath, and squeezes his eyes shut. "You're going to be fine,  _ Soleado _ ." 

"Mhmm." 

"Hey." Rafael says. "Why did you go there alone?"

"I- _ idntmeanto.  _ Why're you bustin' my balls?"

"It is literally in my job description to ' _ bust your balls _ ', as you put it." Rafael says softly. "Please keep talking to me Sonny."

"Can't. 'm tired." 

"Do not sleep. Tell me what you can see."

"Mm.. bright lights."

"Fine, fine. At least I will be able to tell everyone you couldn't even take your own death seriously." Rafael doesn't like this, but Sonny started it. He tells himself they'll be joking about it later, how ridiculously infantile it was of him to joke about  _ white light _ at such a terrifying moment for both of them. They'll drink scotch and cheap cider until they no longer have to think about it, and then they'll wake up and swear never to leave each others' side.

"Raf." Sonny's gravelly voice breaks Rafael's train of thought. "You're s'posed to tell me not t'sleep."

"Don't sleep." Rafael states with a hoarse whisper. "Although," he pauses to hide the fact he is crying. "Knowing you, you will just ignore my advice."

There is the vaguest hint of a laugh in the form of wind rushing into the microphone, and suddenly everything is very quiet. Rafael almost feels guilty that he's glad he can't see anything. No bloodstained shirt or sweaty hands, tear stained cheeks or fluttering eyelids. He can convince himself Sonny really is just sleeping.

" _ Sonny _ ?" Rafael whispers.

_ *** _

Amaro and Benson return to the precinct hours later, but Rafael can't tell if it feels like five minutes or an eternity. It feels the same. Nick approaches Rafael first, and they hold eye contact until Rafael glances down to his unstained shirt and clean hands. 

"I'm sorry, Raf. He was gone when we got there." Nick says.

Rafael shifts his gaze over to Liv's clean hands, and then back to Nick's eyes. The realization sets in very slowly, and he doesn't realize he's crumpling until Nick's strong arms are around him and he's whispering supposedly soothing sentiments into Rafael's shoulder. 

Nothing he could say. Nothing they could do. 

_ *** _

Rafael drinks scotch, and Nick drinks cheap cider. Rafael tells Nick that Sonny couldn't even die without being smart, and Nick laughs louder than maybe he should, until it devolves into sobs and the pair of them have to be guided home by their Sergeant.


End file.
